A Little Laughter Goes a Long Way!

« Return to Communications Dispatchers page

Things You’d Love to Say to the Public But Can’t…

  • This isn’t a Comm Center… it’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
  • If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  • Does your train of thought have a caboose?
  • I’m okay because the voices tell me so.
  • Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
  • Sergeant, can I trade this job for what’s behind door number 3?
  • And which one of the Seven Dwarfs are you?
  • I don’t have an attitude problem. You have perception problem.
  • I’d explain it to you, but I’m afraid your brain would explode.

How to Tell if You’re a Dispatcher

(with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)
You might be a dispatcher if…

  • You answer your home phone “9-1-1, where is your emergency?”
  • You consider coffee an indispensable work tool.
  • You have the bladder capacity of a small, third world army.
  • You have spent time explaining to a police officer the difference between a dispatcher and personal assistant.
  • You live in fear of a full moon.
  • You believe that the annual mandatory training classes are purposely scheduled on your day(s) off.
  • You spend more time discussing clothing color and description than
  • Tommy Hilfiger and Calvin Klein.
  • You have always wanted to meet the guys named “My Babies Daddy” and “Some Dude.”
  • You find yourself talking to your friends and family in codes.


Lovingly Lifted from Under the Headset by Richard Behr